The Genemess of
Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande
1 In the beginning Man made the pollution and the sewers.
2 And the pollution was without form, and stunk; and darkness was
upon the land of Man. And the ignorance of Man moved upon the face of the
3 And Man said, gosh it stinks around here, let there be sewers:
And He built sewers.
4 And Man saw the sewers, that it stunk: And Man divided the sewers
from the surface.
5 And Man called the sewers Sanitation Facilities, and the surface
He called City, And the Sewer and the City were the First Mess.
6 And Man said, Let there be a cesspool in the midst of the pipes,
and let it divide the sewers from the sewers.
7 And Man made the cesspool, and divided the sewers which were under the cesspool from the sewers which were above the cesspool: And it was
8 And Man called the cesspool Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande (Love Canal was considered). And Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande was the Second Mess.
9 And Man said, Let the pollution under the cities be gathered together
unto Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande, and let the dry mud appear: And it was
10 And Man called the dry mud Soil; And the gathering together of the
pollution called He Smaller Cesspools: And Man saw that it stunk.
11 And Man said, Let the Soil bring forth grass, and herb yielding seed,
and the fruit tree yielding fruit after it's kinds whose seed is in
itself, upon the Soil: And it was made so.
12 And the Soil brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after it's
kind, and the tree yielding fruits whose seed was in itself, after it's
kind: And Man saw that it was looking better.
13 And the Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande and the trees, fruit and yielding
seed of herb behind their kind were the Third Mess.
14 And Man said, Let there be holes in the roof of the Yea Olde Sewer
Wonderlande, He had nothing better to say.
15 And let them be for leaks in the roof of the Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande to give drips upon the Soil: And it was made so.
16 And Man made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day and
the lesser light to rule the night: He made the sockets also.
17 And Man set them in the sockets of the roof to give light upon the
18 And Man called the greater light A.C. and the lesser light D.C.:
And Man saw that it was kind of okay.
19 And the leaks and drips and light bulbs and flashlights were the
20 And Man said, Let the water (from the drips) bring forth abundantly
the moving creature that hath life, and Patch People that may fly above
the soil and plug up leaks in the roof of the Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande.
21 And Man made great algae and every polluted creature that try to move, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every Patch Person after his kind: And Man saw that it would do for a while.
22 And Man overpopulated them, but still saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the cesspools, and let Patch People multiply under the roof.
23 And the algae and Patch People were the Fifth Mess.
24 And Man said, Let the Soil bring forth the living creature after his
kind, Dragoons, Moles, Drop Worshipers, Sewer Slaves, Muss Krats, Vassels, One Hermit Crab, Aqua Squirrels, Emperors, and creeping things, and beasties of the Soil after their kind: And it was hard to do, but He did it anyway. It required overtime.
25 And Man made the beasties of the Soil after their kind, and Dragoons,
Moles, Drop Worshipers, Sewer Slaves, Muss Krats, Vassels, One Hermit
Crab, Aqua Squirrels, Emperors, and creeping things after their kind, and
everything that creepeth upon the Soil after his kind: And Man saw what
a chaotic conglomeration He had made and felt sick.
26 And Man said, Let us try one more time. Let us make Tyrone Rex in
somebody else's image, after their likeness: And let him have dominion
over the algae of the cesspool, and over the Patch People of the air, and
over the Dragoons, Moles, Drop Worshipers, Sewer Slaves, Muss Krats, Vassels, One Hermit Crab, Aqua Squirrels, Emperors, and all other beasties, and over all the Soil, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Soil.
27 So Man made Tyrone Rex in that other guy's image, but he failed again.
28 And the conglomeration of creatures including Tyrone Rex were the
29 And Man looked at all He had made, and promptly threw up. So Man decided to bury Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande and add it to the National Debt (Ronald Reagan was President): And Man saw that THIS was the ONLY GOOD thing he had done, and Man broke his arm so he could pat himself on the back for another job well done!
30 And Man buried Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande, but somewhere below it still lived on; and Man diligently forgot this: And it was happily so.
31 And the Yea Olde Sewer Wonderlande was buried, so only the cities and Man's other great works were left as the Seventh Final Mess! And no one saw that it was good or that it was looking better or that it was kind of okay or that it would even do, but it was all they had.
Next up, the Prologue... If you just can't wait, then skip ahead to Chapter 10 (the first one), but don't blame me if you're confused...